The First Frost
by TeddyBear98
Summary: In which Barry is hurt, and the only one who really knows how to help is the one who caused it - and is terrified to go near him. Reaction fic to a still from the upcoming episode "Killer Frost."


**Author's Note:** So I literally decided to write this on a whim after seeing the screencap for the episode "Killer Frost" where Caitlin is holding the icicle to Barry's chest. And even though we all know damn well she won't actually stab him (like 99.9% sure at least), I thought this was an interesting concept: a what-if scenario. Also, this is going off the assumption that at this point Wally is out of the cocoon thing and has speed. Had to include that ;) Enjoy! Leave a review if you feel inclined.

* * *

"He's losing too much blood! Cisco, put more pressure on it!"

"I'm _trying_ ," the engineer hissed. His hands, wrists, arms - they were already covered in blood, so much blood. _Barry's blood._ He pressed harder, trying to ignore the way the warm, sticky liquid steadily flowing from one of his best friends felt on his bare skin. It seemed no matter how hard he pressed, the blood just coming, finding more routes of escape past his shaking hands.

"One of you needs to find me the - the scissor things!" he exclaimed; the West family stared at him uncomprehendingly, clearly not sure what he meant and knowing that every second that went by that something wasn't being done, Barry was getting worse; he was bleeding out, his healing powers not nearly fast enough to close the gaping wound in his chest in time to save him. He lay there limp and pale on the exam table, eyes closed, breathing ragged and far too slow.

"The _what?_ " Iris asked, her eyes brimming with tears that were very close to being shed.

"The - the - God, I don't know! I've seen - I've seen Cait use them before. They help close off broken blood vessels. I think she hit an artery!" The way Cisco's voice cracked on her name didn't go unnoticed by him or the Wests, but now was not the time to think about that.

"You mean a clamp?" Joe asked, realization dawning on him.

"Yeah, sure, whatever you want to call it. Just someone get it!"

"On it," Wally said immediately, and suddenly he was a blur of lightning, rifling through drawers and cabinets at top speed. That would definitely take some getting used to, but it wasn't the focus now either.

"Got it! I think," Wally exclaimed seconds later, and zipped back over to Cisco to hand him the scissor-like object he had found.

"That's it," Cisco confirmed, daring to take his hands away from Barry's chest in order to take the clamp from the youngest West. The bad part was, he didn't exactly know how to use the damn thing. Yes, he had seen it used on Barry before after some particularly nasty fights, but it was always - well, it was always done by Caitlin. And Caitlin wasn't exactly in a state to help them right now.

" _This is your fault, Barry," she had shouted angrily, her eyes aglow with an unnatural blue-white light that made Cisco shiver. There was a large icicle in one of her hands, pressed dangerously up against the speedster's chest. "You caused this!" Everyone was frozen, unsure what to do, how to handle it. How to stop Caitlin without hurting her, and without letting her hurt Barry. But - she wouldn't, right? She couldn't do it. She was going through something - she was sick, but she wouldn't actually hurt him. Barry, however, didn't look very convinced; he swallowed a lump in his throat._

" _Cait, I'm sorry," he said, his voice tinged with sadness. "But please - put that down. This isn't you. Let's talk about this - we can do something. Fix this."_

" _It's too late for fixing things, Barry." And with that, she had plunged the icicle unceremoniously into his chest before anyone could move. Barry's eyes had widened as he let out a guttural yell of pain before collapsing on the floor. It was then that Wally had finally snapped into action, too late, dragging Caitlin down to the pipeline and leaving her there with the door firmly sealed shut._

"Cisco! Do you even know what you're doing?" Joe's voice cut through the engineer's thoughts, and he grimaced.

"Barely," he admitted before plunging the tool into the hole in Barry's chest, digging, trying to find the place where the blood was flowing from the most. It was several moments of agonizing anxiety and some squishing sounds that Cisco absolutely _never wanted to hear again_ before he was fairly certain he had gotten it, and clamped down on what he really hoped was the ripped vessel or artery or whatever the hell it was, _he wasn't a doctor and -_

"Wally, sutures and skin stapler," Cisco instructed, one hand still uncomfortably sitting halfway inside the wound, still holding down on the clamp. Those, at least, he had remembered the name of. Hopefully Wally knew what they looked like, and would be able to quickly locate them just as he had with the clamp. The young man nodded and took off again, racing around the room until he had found what Cisco had asked for once again and held them out to him.

He took the stapler first, grimacing again as he did so; he honestly had no idea if it was right to try and staple the source of bleeding when it was _inside_ a person. It didn't sound quite right, and he definitely did not want to do it, to be responsible for screwing up, but he had to do _something_ to keep it closed. He could not leave the clamp in there, and didn't want his hand to be inside any longer than he had to. He took a deep breath before pulling out the clamp quickly and pressing the staple gun to where he had just removed it from, clamping down on it and only removing the tool once he had heard the tell-tale click. He then took the sutures from Wally's other hand and used both of his to try and thread the needle, missing multiple times with his slippery, blood-soaked, still-trembling hands.

"Give me," Iris said sternly after his fifth failed try, reaching out and practically ripping the supplies from his hands. Cisco had never seen her more demanding than with those two simple words, and it took her only one try to get the needle through the course string and tie a knot before handing it back to him. He gave her a quick nod of thanks before turning back to his unconscious friend, willing his hands to _stop shaking at least a little dammit_ before starting to pull the sutures through Barry's skin, working on pulling it back together, so that the wound would be closed. It took several minutes to finish, and it was clearly crudely done, but at least it was something, and there was no more bleeding, though there was still blood everywhere. Cisco looked and felt about ready to pass out, staring at the result of what he had done, more than just his hands shaking now as he felt someone leading him to a chair - Iris, he realized, as she eased him down, looking at him with such appreciation.

"You did good, Cisco," she said, and Cisco wished he could believe her - Caitlin would have done better, so much better, and he didn't know if he had messed up, if this was going to do the trick. But God, it had to. It had to be enough for now. To keep him alive. It took him several minutes until he was able to tear himself away from watching Barry, looking for any improvement before standing slowly and walking over to the computer monitor that displayed the surveillance from the pipeline. He prepared himself to see Caitlin still going on some kind of rampage, ice and frost covering the cell, but she was sitting against the wall with her knees hugged to her chest, staring ahead with haunted eyes; there were tears running down her cheeks, and Cisco felt like his heart was breaking in two. He cast a quick look towards the West family, but they were too busy hovering around Barry to notice what he was doing, keeping a close eye on the speedster. Cisco made his way down to the makeshift prison quietly, slowly.

As he opened the door to the place, Caitlin's head immediately snapped up, gaping at the blood covering him, Barry's blood, before meeting his eyes through the glass of her cell - and immediately more tears started spilling.

"Cisco," she choked out. "Cisco, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it. He's okay, right? Please tell me he's okay."

The engineer's hesitation was enough of an answer for her, and her choked sobs became worse, her whole body shaking. And Cisco couldn't bare it. Without a second thought he opened the door to her cell, but she shrank back, pushing herself as hard as she could against the wall as if she could melt into it.

"Don't come in here!" she yelled out. "I'm dangerous, Cisco! This is why I wanted to leave!"

Cisco frowned, his own eyes starting to brim with unshed tears as he saw his strong friend reduced to _this_.

"Cait," he said gently, moving forward despite her protests. His feet carried him to where she sat cowering, and he sat down beside her, wrapping her into a tight hug. For a moment, she froze, going stiff and refusing to return the gesture. She was scared, worried she would hurt him too. But she finally gave in and gave Cisco one of the tightest hugs he had ever received, clinging onto him for dear life and crying dejectedly into his shoulder. He was getting not-quite-yet-dried blood on the back of her shirt, but either she didn't notice or did her best to ignore it.

"Cait," he repeated, his voice cracking a bit but still gentle, kind. "It's going to be okay," he said. "I - I got Barry stable."

 _I think so, at least,_ he thought sourly, though chose not to say that part out loud; she needed to feel encouraged, not be torn down even more. Her head slowly rose at that, looking at her friend with a desperate look of hope on her tearstained face.

"Really?" she asked. "He - he's alive, then? I didn't - I didn't -?" she stuttered, unable to complete the question, but Cisco understood.

"You didn't," he assured her. "But Cait...I'm not a doctor. He could really use you right now."

Caitlin shook her head furiously, her hair flying around her; Cisco couldn't help but notice the strands of white that stood out against the usual red-brown, so unnatural.

"No, Cisco," she said. "I can't. I can't go near him, I'll make it worse. I _caused_ it."

"And I know that you can control this, Caitlin. You can fight this, beat it. That girl up there who did that? It wasn't you."

"But it was me, Cisco," she sniffled, tears still flowing. "I hurt Barry."

 _Barry's the one who caused you to have these powers in the first place,_ he again thought to himself, and again chose not to say it out loud. It didn't matter right now; Barry having messed up didn't mean he deserved to die, and the thought of losing him was enough to make Cisco's stomach churn.

"Okay, yeah, you did," Cisco said. "And you can't change that. But you _can_ fix it, Cait. I believe in you. You're not Killer Frost; you are Caitlin freaking Snow, one of the greatest people I know. Please, have some faith in yourself."

Caitlin stared at Cisco for a few long seconds, letting his words sink in and seeming to almost be at war with herself. Finally, she inhaled a deep, shaky breath before nodding.

"Okay," she said softly. "Okay, I'll do my best."

Cisco couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as he stood, holding a hand down to his friend to help her up.

* * *

The West family was surprised to say the least when they heard footsteps approaching and turned to see Cisco _and_ Caitlin approaching them. Caitlin shifted uncomfortably under their gazes, even though she could see they weren't full of hate, or of fear like she thought they might be.

"Caitlin," Iris said, her voice cracking slightly just as Cisco's had as she watched the girl approach. "Are you - are you okay?"

Caitlin almost wanted to laugh at the question. _Was she okay?_ There Iris West was standing next to the bedside of her utterly still boyfriend, who was too pale and covered in so much blood, and she was asking if Caitlin was okay. If Caitlin, the one who had made him like that, was okay. She wasn't. But she nodded anyways. She brushed her hair over her shoulders, out of her face as she approached the speedster on the bed, her heart racing and her throat feeling far too tight as she looked at him, at what she had done to him.

There was a sloppy stitching job holding together what had previously been a gaping wound in his chest, Cisco's doing. The doctor grimaced as she looked at it, trying to keep the memory of herself plunging the icicle right through him at bay. It was sickening, and she couldn't afford to break down again right now. Cisco was right - Barry needed her.

"Cisco, did you disinfect it?" she asked. The guilty look on his face was her answer, and she immediately walked to the other side of the room, opening a drawer and pulling out a bottle, a cloth and a pair of surgical scissors before hurrying back over. She then began to slowly cut the stitches off, reopening the wound. Cisco admittedly felt a little stupid, like his work hadn't done anything, but the quick look she shot him said otherwise; he had helped, at least until she could get in. Once all the stitches were out, Caitlin poured the disinfectant over the wound, almost draining the entire bottle. Barry, even in his unconscious state, let out a whimper of pain, his face scrunching up, and Iris was quick to take his hand in hers, trying to offer him some comfort, to let him know that she was there. Once Caitlin had finished with that, she took the cloth and began dabbing at the wound, doing her best to dry it off and rid it of some of the drying blood, to make it somewhat more comfortable.

"New sutures, and bandages," she said suddenly, and Wally was on it again; Caitlin had the supplies in her hands in seconds.

"Wait," Cisco interrupted. "I stapled a vein shut. It just - it kept bleeding, and I wasn't sure -"

"It's fine," Caitlin said. "They're dissolvable, it'll go away on it's own." The look of relief on the engineer's face was obvious. With that said, the doctor started immediately on stitching the wound closed once again, as blood had started to seep back out. Her fingers moved expertly, and she was done in just seconds, bandaging it all up tightly.

"IV bags," she said now, and Joe moved to get it now, giving Wally a break; after so many times of Barry having needed them over the past two years, he knew exactly where to find them - and to grab a hell of a lot. The detective filled his arms with as many as he could carry and brought them back over to Caitlin, who took one and went to getting it set up. The last thing she did was cover Barry up gingerly with a blanket. When she had finished, she stepped back and let out a shaky breath, as if she couldn't quite believe what she had just done.

"I told you you could do it," Cisco told her, voice still as gentle and kind as it had been in the pipeline. She nodded almost numbly, mechanical, looking Barry over. The IV bag wouldn't last long, wouldn't make much of a dent in replacing fluids - that would come later, as more and more bags were used. But she thought she could see the smallest amount of color coming back to his cheeks. She sank into a chair, the room silent as everyone waited, and no one addressed the anxiety and tension that still hung thick in the air.

* * *

It was three hours and twenty-six minutes later that Barry began to stir. Caitlin had been counting every minute that ticked by, every second. Whereas before she had refused to get near her friend, now she was the only one who hadn't yet left his side during the entire time he was out. Cisco had long since passed out in a chair in the Cortex, the emotional impact of his attempts at saving Barry having quite drained him. Joe was on the hunt for more IV bags down the hall, as they were beginning to run considerably low, a large pile of empty ones stacked on one side of Barry's bed. Iris wasn't even in the complex anymore, having left ten minutes ago with Wally with the intent of bringing food back for all of them - and the promise that she would be back ASAP, obviously not wanting to be away from Barry for longer than necessary.

When Caitlin heard the small groan from the speedster, she was so startled that she thought for a moment that her heart might leap out of her chest. She watched him closely then, and saw that his eyes were fluttering, and seconds later he had managed to peel them open, blinking blearily at his surroundings. His gaze didn't land on Caitlin for a few seconds. She thought that when he saw her, he might scream, or spew hateful words, or even try to run. But nothing of the sort happened.

"Caitlin," he said simply, his voice low and scratchy, laced with pain, but God, it was _so good to hear it._

"Barry," she said in response, her voice cracking, choked as it had been when Cisco had come to her. She felt tears pricking at the backs of her eyes, her throat tightening again. "Barry, I'm so, so sorry. I -"

"Caitlin, stop," he said abruptly, successfully cutting her off, and his voice sounded sad now, regretful. "Don't. _I'm_ sorry. I gave you these powers - it's my fault. Please, please don't beat yourself up."

She shook her head fiercely. "But I'm the one who can't control them. I can't control what I'm becoming. I can't -"

"But you are controlling yourself right now," Barry pointed out. "You did take control. Because you're here." Caitlin opened her mouth as if to protest, to continue to try and incriminate herself, but no sound came out. And suddenly there were hot tears on her cheeks again, but they felt so much better than the ice cold that was inside her. And then Barry's arms were out despite the fact that it must have hurt, and Caitlin was hugging him, though not with the same force as she had with Cisco. She didn't want to strain his stitches, or cause him any more pain than he was already experiencing, although if she knew him at all he probably thought he deserved it, damn it, and he didn't. He didn't.

"It's okay, Caitlin," Barry soothed, his voice cracking; it was like it was contagious, this sadness. "It's okay. We're not going to stop until we figure this out, until we help you. I'm going to help you. We _are_ going to figure this out."

And Caitlin didn't have the energy to protest any more, to deny her friends this chance; to deny herself the chance at somehow gaining control, learning to handle this. Because she had to.

"I know, Barry," she whispered, her head leaning gently on his chest. "I know."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Well, writing this was an emotional roller coaster, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I hope you all enjoyed reading it. Can't wait to see how all of this actually plays out in "Killer Frost." Thanks for reading!


End file.
